Saturday, July 7, 2012

Finding Beauty In All Things

One of the hardest things to do is to look through ALL of the negativity of a situation and try to find the  beauty in it.  As I have went through this divorce, one of the things I've had to learn to do, is to stop LOOKING for the beauty, and just SEE it!  During all of the things that have gone wrong...there has ALWAYS been things going right!  Sometimes its not until we look backwards that those things are clearly revealed.....and those are the times that even now when I remember something it literally brings me to tears.  My children and I lived a life that now seems like a bad it was someone else and not us.  The fears that I had of just everyday normal life crippled me and I in turn crippled my children.  The fears that I had been "taught" to have.....I also "taught" them to my children without even realizing I was doing it.  Things like being terrified of being out after dark.....being on the roads PERIOD.....a cop being behind us and me becoming so nervous....and then them becoming so nervous because I wasn't allowed to have my car registered, and was forced to ride in it for 3 years with no registration because "that's what keeps you off the roads and at home" as I had been reminded of so many times.'s one of the levels of living in an abusive that can NEVER be explained or described.....ONLY experienced to completely understand.  A good friend of mine, Paula Jackson posted "You can't understand it by looking in, and I can't explain it by looking out" on her Facebook one day, and that made sooooo much sense to me.  NO ONE can understand how ANYONE can live in an abusive situation....but what most doesn't realize, is that it happens slowly over time, and then one day you wake up and you realize that "freedom" is no longer a part of your world.  I looked at ALL of my fears and justified them by saying "this is how I keep us safe."  But as time has moved us forward, I am reminded on a daily basis by God that He has ever so gently taken those fears away from me....and in turn my babies have also been released of those fears.  And I thank God for that!  It keeps me in awe of what He can do if we just allow Him to.  When I asked God to get me and my babies through the nightmare that I knew we would have to walk through, I would remind Him daily that I needed to see Him.  And one day He opened my eyes and revealed to me that all I had to do was look and I would clearly SEE Him EVERYWHERE!  I saw Him in the roses that bloomed in my the sunrises.....the sunsets.....the tiny little ribs that I realized I could see under a frogs skin when I was photographing one......the laughter of my children.....the kindness of strangers.....the lyrics of a song.....the cool, crisp breeze on a Winter morning.....the feel of the sun on a sunny day.....and many other things.  Those were the things that I could see and feel so clearly....and they prepared me for the things that were harder to find the beauty in.  When I had a bad day and I would walk outside at just the right time to catch the sun setting and the sky would be orange, purple, pink and blue.....I was reminded that God was holding my world together.....and I choose to believe that He was telling me "good night" and reminding me that I had a fresh day coming in a few just hold on and trust Him.  I have learned that if I just stop long enough and look around me, I can see beauty that takes my breath away.  I KNOW what it's like to live where I could see NO beauty.....only sadness, misery, loneliness, fear and worry.  Now I choose to find the beauty in EVERYTHING......because I refuse to live where I can't find any.  So no matter what you are going through.....take a step back....take a deep breath, and ask God to please show you the beauty of what is in that situation....and I promise you that there is something there.  Whether your problems and troubles bring you to an answered prayer....or whether your problems and troubles caused YOU to be the answer to someone else's prayers......I promise you there's beauty.....and its breathtaking!!!  :0)